From Mormon Royalty to Freedom: How Joseph Smith's Descendant Overcame Religious Trauma and Perfectionism | A Healing Guide
My Unexpected Journey: A Legacy of Expectation and Escape
As the great-great-grandniece of Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon faith, I was raised to be exceptional, special, and essentially perfect in everything I did. I was told to be an example to others by my stellar accomplishments and worthiness, inside and outside the Church.
The Crushing Weight of Childhood Perfection
I vividly recall the shame and guilt of making any mistakes in my childhood, which were treated as sins, and the constant message that I wasn't working hard enough to be perfect if I failed.
The Moment of Awakening: Confronting Institutional Deception
I abandoned the Mormon faith at the age of nineteen when research into my revered relative, Joseph Smith, and the origins of the Church revealed the deep deceit and immoral activities at the heart of Mormonism. Although shattered, I embraced the truth of what I'd discovered and left the Church, thinking that was the end of believing in the fraudulent and controlling dogma.
The Invisible Chains of Religious Trauma
However, I found that I couldn't discard my old beliefs, guilt, and shame as simply as if changing clothes. They lingered, haunting me with residual feelings of shame and judgments of others and myself, and impacting almost all areas of my life, despite my disbelief in the dogma I was raised in.
The Silent Struggle: Perfectionism as a Trauma Response
One of the most harmful and insidious impacts was my constant and persistent perfectionism, paralyzing me with procrastination, over-thinking, and critical self-assessment. But I didn't initially connect it to religious trauma until I entered therapy because I was unhappy.
Breaking the Cycle: Nine Transformative Strategies for Healing
1. Deconstructing Toxic Messaging
The messaging of "total surrender" or "complete obedience" creates deep psychological wounds. Challenge the internalized voices that tell you:
- You are constantly falling short
- Your worth is conditional on meeting impossible standards
- Mistakes are sins rather than natural parts of human growth
2. Reclaiming Personal Autonomy
Perfectionism in high-control religious settings is often a survival mechanism. You learned to suppress your authentic self to avoid punishment or rejection. Practice making choices that are genuinely yours:
- Exploring interests without guilt
- Setting boundaries without fear of divine retribution
- Allowing yourself to question and doubt
3. Understanding Trauma-Induced Perfectionism
Your perfectionism is likely a trauma response. It developed as a protection mechanism—a way to:
- Avoid criticism
- Gain approval
- Feel a sense of control in an environment that stripped you of personal agency
4. Embracing the Non-Linear Healing Journey
Religious trauma creates deep, complex wounds. Your healing journey won't be perfect, and that's precisely the point. Some days you'll make tremendous progress; other days you'll feel overwhelmed. Both are valid and part of healing.
5. Rebuilding Self-Trust
High-control religions often externalize moral decision-making, leaving you disconnected from your own intuition. Slowly rebuild trust in yourself by:
- Listening to your internal emotional responses
- Validating your own experiences
- Making small, independent choices
6. Redefining Personal Worth
Reject the notion that your worth is tied to:
- Constant performance
- Absolute moral purity
- Suppression of natural human emotions and experiences
Instead, embrace a compassionate view that recognizes your inherent dignity as a complex, imperfect human being. This requires practice and giving yourself some grace.
7. Seeking Professional Support
Therapeutic approaches like trauma-informed counseling, particularly with professionals experienced in religious trauma, can be transformative. They can help you:
- Unpack deeply ingrained belief systems
- Process emotional wounds
- Develop healthy coping mechanisms
8. Finding Your Community
Find spaces—both online and offline—where survivors of religious trauma share experiences. These communities can provide:
- Validation
- Understanding
- Practical strategies for healing
9. Practicing Radical Self-Compassion
Your healing journey is an act of profound courage. Every step you take to challenge internalized perfectionism is revolutionary. Be gentle with yourself. The wound of religious trauma is deep, and healing takes time, patience, and immense self-love.
A Message of Hope and Liberation
Remember: Perfection is a myth designed to control. Your humanity—with all its beautiful, messy complexity—is your greatest strength. You are worthy, exactly as you are, without needing to prove, perform, or purify yourself to earn that worth.
Your Authentic Journey Awaits
Your journey of healing is not about becoming perfect. It's about becoming authentically, compassionately you.
Love,
Lyn
