Today we're diving into a story that shocked many of us who follow parenting influencers online. If you've been anywhere near social media in the past year, you've probably heard about Ruby Franke, the Mormon mommy blogger whose parenting methods took a devastating turn.
As someone who's always interested in the intersection of faith, family, and modern culture, I found this case particularly worth exploring. Let's break down what happened and what we can learn from it.
The Rise and Fall of a Mormon Parenting Influencer
Ruby Franke built her brand around being a strict, faith-based parent. Her YouTube channel showcased her approach to raising "righteous children" through what she positioned as biblically-inspired discipline. Millions followed her journey, with many initially admiring her apparent dedication to her children's spiritual well-being.
But what began as seemingly strict parenting spiraled into something much darker, eventually leading to her arrest and conviction for child abuse. The question on everyone's mind: how did someone who claimed to love her children so deeply end up causing them such harm?
When Religious Concepts Get Twisted
Now, I want to be super clear about something from the get-go: Ruby Franke's extreme behavior doesn't represent mainstream Mormon parenting or teachings. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints officially condemns child abuse.
However, this case does highlight how certain religious concepts—in any faith tradition—can sometimes be distorted when taken to extremes or combined with other harmful influences. Let's look at some examples:
The "Eternal Stakes" of Parenting
Many religions, including Mormonism, emphasize parents' responsibility for their children's spiritual development. This can be beautiful when it means lovingly guiding kids to understand faith and values.
The trouble starts when this transforms into an "at all costs" mentality. For Franke, the pressure of believing her children's eternal salvation hinged on her parenting may have contributed to justifying extreme measures as "necessary" for their spiritual good.
When "Obedience" Overshadows Love
Most faith traditions value obedience to divine principles. The issue arises when obedience becomes the primary measure of love and worth.
Franke's videos often showed her withholding affection until children demonstrated complete compliance. She frequently claimed that demanding absolute obedience was the most loving thing she could do as a parent—a distortion that ignores the unconditional nature of true parental love.
The Misuse of "Overcoming Human Nature"
Many religions teach about overcoming selfish tendencies to become more spiritually mature. However, this concept gets dangerous when applied to children's natural behaviors like curiosity, playfulness, or expressing emotions.
In Franke's approach, normal childhood behaviors were often labeled as rebellious or sinful tendencies that needed to be "broken" through harsh discipline—a serious misunderstanding of both child development and religious teaching.
When Religious Concepts Get Twisted
Franke's story wasn't just about religious misinterpretation—it also involved the unique pressures of being a parenting influencer. Let's look at what happens when these worlds collide:
The Performance Pressure of "Mormon Mommy Culture"
Within many religious communities, there's social pressure to present as the "perfect family"—especially when your faith emphasizes family values. Add in social media's demand for perfection, and you've got a recipe for enormous pressure.
As a public figure representing both motherhood and her faith, Franke likely felt this pressure intensely. Every child's behavior became not just a parenting challenge but potentially a reflection on her faith and her "success" as a religious parent.
The Echo Chamber Effect
One particularly troubling aspect of Franke's story was her connection with Jodi Hildebrandt and their "ConneXions" program, which promoted extreme interpretations of religious concepts. This partnership created an echo chamber that seemingly reinforced and escalated harmful ideas.
This shows how dangerous it can be when we only expose ourselves to voices that confirm our existing beliefs, especially when those beliefs are becoming increasingly extreme.
The Warning Signs We Should All Notice
What makes this case particularly alarming is how Franke used religious language to justify behavior that was clearly harmful. This highlights some important red flags we should all be aware of:
When "God's Will" Trumps Critical Thinking
Be wary when someone claims to have special divine knowledge that overrides common sense, expert consensus, or basic compassion. True faith doesn't require abandoning critical thinking.
When "Love" Causes Suffering
If actions described as "loving" consistently cause suffering, something's wrong. Genuine love—including the tough love sometimes necessary in parenting—ultimately protects and nurtures rather than damages.
When the "End Times" Justify Extreme Measures
Apocalyptic thinking can lead to a dangerous urgency that justifies harmful actions. When minor childhood infractions are framed as dangerous signs of spiritual corruption requiring immediate and extreme intervention, it's crossed into unhealthy territory.
Finding a Healthier Path Forward
Many religious parents successfully implement loving, healthy approaches grounded in the same faith traditions that Franke distorted. The difference lies in how these beliefs are interpreted and applied:
Balance Faith with Critical Thinking
Healthy religious parenting encourages both devotion and discernment. Children benefit from understanding that questioning is part of a healthy faith journey, not a sign of rebellion.
Remember the Core Teachings of Love and Compassion
In nearly all faith traditions, love and compassion are central values. When parenting practices seem to contradict these core principles, it's time to reassess.
Build a Diverse Support Community
Surround yourself with diverse perspectives, including those within your faith tradition who might have different approaches. This helps prevent the echo chamber effect that can escalate harmful practices.
A Final Thought
Ruby Franke's story isn't just about one parent who lost her way. It's a cautionary tale about how easily good intentions and religious devotion can be twisted when combined with perfectionism, isolation, and black-and-white thinking.
For those of us raising children in faith traditions, it's a reminder to hold tightly to the core values of love, compassion, and respect for the inherent dignity of our children—values that are at the heart of authentic religious teaching.
What do you think about this case? Have you ever witnessed well-meaning religious concepts being taken to unhealthy extremes? I'd love to hear your thoughts. And visit my YouTube channel (Heretic Survivor: From Mormon to Me) for another take on what went wrong in the Ruby Franke story.
Until next time,
Lyn
