The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu
Hulu's latest docuseries, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, has sparked conversations, debates, and a whirlwind of reactions from viewers across the country—especially within the Mormon community. The series dives deep into the lives of eight prominent Mormon mom influencers, revealing not only their glamorous social media presence but also the struggles
they face behind the scenes.
Initially, I expected the show to be just another overdramatized reality TV spectacle. However, as a former Mormon myself, curiosity got the best of me and I tuned in. What I found made me sad and angry. While the show addresses the immense pressures these women face in a faith known for its strict values and rigid social structure, I feel they have missed it’s central
influence in all their struggles.
A Peek Behind the Curtain of #MomTok
The show's cast comprises eight women who rose to prominence through their wildly successful #MomTok videos. Taylor Paul, the group’s unofficial leader, explains that what started as a fun, creative outlet evolved into a full-fledged business. “It was originally fun. Then the more we grew, the more people wanted to join. Let’s collaborate, get what we need to do and go. We had to do business,” Taylor reflects.
However, the bubble of fame burst in 2022 when Taylor made two shocking announcements via TikTok Live: First, that she was divorcing her husband, Tate Paul, and second, that she and her husband had been involved in an open relationship within their circle of friends. Taylor admitted that she had "stepped out of the... agreement," which led to the couple’s split.
This revelation sent shockwaves through the #MomTok community, leaving many followers with burning questions—questions The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives promises to answer. The show not only explores these women’s often tense relationships with their husbands or boyfriends, but it also sheds light on the immense pressure they face from both their families and their religious community.
The Clash Between Faith and Reality
Most of these women are now the primary breadwinners of their households—a direct contradiction to the deeply ingrained patriarchal norms of Mormon culture, where men are expected to be the heads of households and women are traditionally raised to be stay-at-home mothers. This role reversal creates palpable tension in their marriages, but the show skirts around the most significant issue: patriarchy itself.
As I watched, I couldn’t help but feel compassion for these women. They seem trapped by the very faith that has shaped them, unwilling or unable to directly confront the Mormon Church and its influence on their lives. The institution that raised them seems to loom like an unacknowledged specter over every decision they make. These women have clearly been traumatized by their upbringing, yet many fail to see just how deeply their religion has impacted their choices.
Young Brides, Early Mothers, and the Consequences
Consider the facts: Almost all eight women married very young—one of them at just sixteen. Many became pregnant before marriage. It begs the question: Why weren't they using birth control? To understand this, you need to consider the intense emphasis the Mormon Church places on premarital chastity. For young women raised in this high-control religion, taking precautions like using birth control would feel like premeditated sin. As absurd as that might sound, it reflects the kind of rigid thinking imposed by their upbringing.
For most, the “solution” to an unplanned pregnancy is early marriage, followed by motherhood. Abortion is never an option, as the Church vehemently opposes it. According to a 2021 Pregnancy Risk Assessment Survey, 39% of teen mothers in Utah (aged 15-19) reported their pregnancies as mistimed or unwanted, and another 26% were unsure whether they wanted to be pregnant at all.
These girls are pushed into motherhood and marriage before they’ve had the chance to fully mature or explore other possibilities. They’ve missed essential adulting experiences, such as dating a variety of men, completing their education to give them options for employment, traveling outside of their Mormon Utah bubble to see how the rest of the world lives, even experimenting with drinking or drugs.
And having children is not a choice but an expectation. These women are never allowed the space to figure out who they are outside of their prescribed roles as wives and mothers.
Repressed Desires and the "Soft Swinging" Scandal
Years of repression eventually take their toll, and this manifests in various ways. Taylor Paul's "soft swinging" scandal is a prime example of curiosity and suppressed desire bubbling to the surface. Even those not directly involved in such scandals feel the ripples of sexual repression. Whitney, one of the cast members, discovers that her husband has had emotional—and possibly physical—affairs with women he met on Tinder. He also admits to a porn addiction.
Utah, notably, has one of the highest rates of reported porn addiction in the U.S., leading Utah’s government to regulate access to pornography and The Mormon Church to create Porn Addiction Support groups throughout the state.
Whitney’s solution to all her problems? The familiar Mormon prescription: Have another baby.
The Double Standards for Mormon Men
While the women of MomTok are well aware of how they fall short of the Church's standards, the men seem to get off lightly. Take Zack, for instance, married to Jen Affleck, another member of the group. He struggles with a gambling addiction—gambling is strictly forbidden in the Mormon faith—but seems entirely unsupportive about his wife Jen’s role in supporting their family through her MomTok success. Instead, he berates her for her supposed lack of "moral values," all while he has gambled away money intended for his medical school tuition. Jen supports their family, yet Zack’s patriarchal upbringing blinds him to his own failings and gives him a sense of entitlement that is glaring. Zack’s inability to see Jen as an individual with valid needs and wants is heartbreaking, as is Jen’s willingness to adopt his perspective, to comply, to be a good Mormon wife.
It’s a typical story in patriarchal religions: Men are conditioned to view themselves as inherently superior, with the right to make decisions for their wives and families. Jen’s willingness to accept his behavior reflects the deeply internalized sexism that many Mormon women learn.
Cultural Disapproval and Unseen Trauma
The series also highlights the strained relationships between the women and their parents. Disappointment and disapproval from their families loom large, as their daughters are judged for deviating from Mormon cultural norms. The parents offer no empathy or understanding, only pressure to "get their act together" and conform to traditional expectations, such as marriage before motherhood—even when their daughters doubt the viability of their relationships.
The most heartbreaking aspect of this show is the women’s inability to fully understand the root cause of their struggles. The ranking of the women into Saints and Sinners, the overt and constant judgment of each other, the expressed sense of not being “good enough” Mormons to qualify for friendship and association, is all due to the overall construct of a high control, high demand religion.
Some of the group members who have distanced themselves from the Church see things more clearly. They recognize the unfairness of patriarchal marriage and the Church's toxic culture of obedience and perfectionism, but even they struggle to name the institution that has shaped their lives so profoundly.
The Naïve Belief That They Can Change Mormon Culture
Ultimately, many of these women seek to "liberate" other Mormon women by showing that they can be bosses, entrepreneurs, or even endorse sexual wellness products like vibrators. While admirable, these efforts don’t strike at the heart of the problem. The real issue is the toxic culture within the Mormon Church—a culture that perpetuates guilt, shame, and rigid gender roles.
Having left the faith myself, I can now see how deeply it affected me—my perfectionism, my low self-esteem, triggered feelings of guilt and shame, and my tendency to put others’ needs ahead of my own, not trusting my own judgment. Watching The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, I saw women who are still caught in that same toxic cycle, unable to fully break free.
They may be reclaiming parts of their identity, but without addressing the root of their struggles—the Mormon Church itself—true liberation remains elusive.
